Counselling with John McColl Relationship Counselling Specialist
Because we are to a large extent the sum total of everything we have thought about and experienced, it is understandable that Life can often only be understood by looking backwards….
BUT Life must also be lived facing the other direction….
There is of course a reason why the rear vision mirror in our car is much smaller than the windscreen.
It is no secret that our Ultimate Goal in Life is to Achieve Happiness. In fact our desire to achieve happiness is a perception that is behind most of our behaviour. I think happiness and good mental health is really a bi-product of getting a lot of the other stuff right. Our relationships especially the relationship we have with our selves has a profound influence on our levels of happiness and fulfilment.
We will Rise in Life to the Height of our Ability to Solve Problems: To look at a problem from a diverse range of perspectives we can often come up with the right solution or solutions.
Have you noticed how solutions feel very different to the problem? When we focus on a problem what we often get is more of that problem, and depreciation rather than appreciation becomes part of it, and the more it generates those same feelings, those same emotions (energy in motion) Where ever we put our attention is where we put our energy.
In my humble opinion many mental health practitioners have been trained to devote too much of the session focusing on the problem, in fact for many that is all they focus on. As a trained and experienced psychotherapist I am aware of this because that was part of my training, and no doubt a small % of people do benefit from that approach.
However it has also been my experience in over 10,000 hours of face to face counselling (this includes all interactions eg hypnosis etc) When someone is ready to make those changes and move on…. Their focus is always more solution orientated. Obviously we have to understand the problem, that goes without saying but the energy of the problem and the energy of the solution are two completely different energies. One is a feel good, one is a feel bad. Albert Einstein said you can’t solve a problem with the same mindset that created it. I think he was bang on.
That is why I am more of a solution orientated practitioner. I don’t see myself as a typical psychotherapist or counsellor. As a general rule I am not interested in analysing people and to putting them into boxes by giving them labels. Because at the end of the day the labels may be correct…. BUT the question that should be considered… Does the label serve that person? and if it doesn’t then the therapist by definition is part of the problem.